Dreary. Cold. Lacking. This is a Christmas that will forever be stuck in her mind, replaying over and over like a broken record.
Rosa de Guzman is a twelve-year-old girl who has just spent the past few days in terror and shock, struggling to accept what has been lost in the wrath of Typhoon Odette.
“Rosa, dear, are you okay?” Her father beside her asked, eyebrows furrowing in worry.
No, she thought to herself but she nodded to her father to cease his worries. She scratched her knee in a bout of anxiousness and the scratch left white marks on her dry skin. The lights were too bright when she craned her neck upward.
“I promise things will get better." Her father gave her a sweet smile as if her mother hadn't just been crushed under the wooden boards of their house when it crumbled down.
The bare space next to her loomed over her mind like a heavy shadow engulfing her into its darkness. The hairs of her arm stood up in the all too noticeable cold. Her father wrapped her hand in his calloused hands and she felt it notably warm her up—but something was missing.
"They say the relief goods will arrive in a few minutes." Her father mumbled and she nodded in response.
She missed a lot of things.
"Is nanay really dead?" She whispered, more to herself than her father.
She missed her mother's embracing hands around her with soft mutterings of reassurance. She wished she relished those more.
"...she is. I'm sorry, Rosa." Her father's cracking voice is a deep melancholy.
She missed her mother's adoring smile that she last saw when she and her father left their home in a rush. She recoiled as she felt phantom winds slap her arms.
They had evacuated too late and her mother stayed back to take care of a few things. She promised she would follow. She did not.
"Please come to the front of the gymnasium to collect your goods.” The voice echoed in the hall as it spoke through the large speakers.
She missed the way her mother would offer a hand in assistance. She remembered her mother hoisting her on a ladder to hang colorful Christmas ornaments. Her legs felt like jelly as she struggled to stand on her feet.
“Rosa, come on. Don’t get swept away.” Her father gripped her small hand as they squeezed through the crowding people.
She missed her mother who used to navigate them expertly around the mass of people in markets and talk loudly as she bargained for cheaper prices for cheese and pasta for the spaghetti to be made for the Nochebuena.
“Is it Christmas soon, ‘tay?” An innocent question tugged at her lips.
She missed the way she and her mother anticipatedly waited for the clock to strike twelve and for them to shout Merry Christmas! in jolliness as they are carried by the contagious emotions of the Christmas season.
Her father squeezed her hand, “Tomorrow.”
She missed her mother’s warmth that was a constant in her everyday life. Was.
“I miss nanay.” It came out like a whisper, only loud enough for her father to hear.
Her father forced a smile at her, tears threatening to spill in the corners of his eyes. She felt his arm tense and the rigid atmosphere clawed at her. A bleeding hole in her heart remained and queasiness gnawed at her stomach.
Her father’s voice was small and reeked of helplessness, “Me too.”
This Christmas was severely lacking. It lacked her mother and it was dreary without the light of her mother’s grin.
She missed a lot of things. She missed her mother, but her mother was not missing. Her mother was dead.
Over and over, like a broken record, she is reminded of who she has lost in this God-forsaken Christmas.
Bulig Sangkay is a Donation Drive conducted by a team of volunteers from Borongan City to provide aid to the people of Padre Burgos, Southern Leyte who have been severely affected by the Typhoon Odette.
Photos by Bulig Sangkay. To find out more about Bulig Sangkay and their Donation Drive in Padre Burgos, click the link below or click the picture attached.
Great piece! Prayers for the victims of Typhoon Odette!